The Course Of Things.

The course of the way things go in your life seem overly straight forward, like go to work, get a career, go to school, college, university, go to the gym, loose weight become fit, healthy, strong, beautiful.

It all seems that easy, everything falls into a course that you aim to complete to go on to the other one and start again until eventually you reach a point where you are confident that  you don’t need to go much further and your happy.

But really I guess the better way to look at them, is that they are actually obstacles in the way of your course that you need to get over or work through to reach the steady course to the finish line. For me right now I am at a personal obstacle with my weight and the gym. I work hard when I go and I improve each time but the difficulty for me is getting there. On my way I have found that for some reason trying to talk myself into going is the hardest thing for me right now. I have loved going to the gym with a ‘gym buddy’, two actually, and still I would find myself struggling to psych myself up to go with them because I don’t want to go and not do enough and sometimes I think about what the people think of me who are around me whilst I work out and train.

No one really tells you just how hard its going to be for you, mentally I mean. They tell you how hard its going to be on you physically but not the amounts of times you will find any excuse so you can stay sat at home in your gym clothes convincing yourself that you’ve worked hard at work or that your just a bit too tired today or you will pick it up tomorrow cause its just one day, right?What makes it worse is the anxiety, the thought that you are being stared at and laughed at, that feeling of looking in the mirror and all of sudden you see yourself as a humungous beast in place of these other people who are slim, toned and healthy. No one really talks about that I think. If they do its not talked about enough.

So I guess I want to speak about it. The gym, diets and everything that comes with it is so overwhelming and when you’re around people that seem to be doing so much better than what you are it makes it harder for many reasons. Mine right now being that I just cant see it working. Despite the meal replacements, the change in portion size and diet, the weight loss tablets that make me bloat for a bit then just pure out and out gassy. It all gets SO much. But you know what, that right there is what stops me from going to that gym, getting on that treadmill and picking up them weights.

And, its ok.

It’s ok to feel like that. It’s ok to think that it’s not working and that its all getting too much but that’s when you should stop, take a step back and then slow down.

Get yourself a battle plan, something that you can do at home and something you can do at the gym then in 4 weeks time or 6 weeks time review it, change it up make it more difficult.

Take out the shakes and the weight loss tablets and all that crap and start with one thing at a time. Maybe have just your protein for now then in 4 weeks, introduce one more item and so on. Until it feels right.

With your diet, don’t tell yourself off! If you mess up you mess up, just brush it off and carry on, Diets are not easy and if its a constant struggle something isn’t right. Look at what your eating do you like it? no? then find a replacement, too hard to follow then look at something else, or just start by reducing portion size, and cutting down your problem foods and just be kind to yourself.

I’m still a work in progress, but now that I have done the steps above I don’t feel as overwhelmed. I have found exercises I enjoy and I have set up a list of things to do so that when I go to the gym I know what I need and I can pop myself into a quiet corner and get on, it sates my anxiety and cuts down that distraction. But they are also good for when I am home, when I don’t have the weight I replace with a bottle or two of water or cans of food! It works. But now I definitely appreciate that it will come off slowly sometimes but then others it will seem that it comes off fast and then others as though nothing is happening at all, but I think the key is, especially for those who are self conscious or self doubt or suffer from anxiety or whatever, the key is just breath take it in stride and look at what you have done, maybe look back at the time before you went to the gym? and what would that you think of you now? I know past me would be like WTF is going on with you? Well done fat arse!

It’s just the course of things and how you deal with that course and the hand you have been dealt. Just try to roll with it, take the obstacles put in your way and own them. No one ever said that you have to get it the first time, take your time and even if it takes you a million times just think at least I didn’t give up.



First blog attempt.

The beginning….right?

So this is my first blog. The first blog where I have found that I can write more than just one without having to pay for the rest. Does that make me cheap? Maybe.

So this is where my journey begins, at the age of 25. I have completed college and received the grades that I need, I could’ve done better but hey, its damn hard balancing your bills, a full time job, dysfunctional family and your relationship whilst trying to get the best grades that you could hope to achieve. I did good and that’s enough for me.

My next step now is to get myself driving and ready for starting university in September. Two years ago, the thought of being able to go to university seemed very far away and almost unreachable. But hey here I am. Dream big and it will happen but it does take hard work and patience. Patience mainly with yourself. Mainly just to remind yourself that your not always going to get it the first time but be patient and it will come in time. Also not to be to modest with yourself. when you know you are good at something own it, WERK WERK WERK Hunty!




I suppose before I go much further I should maybe talk a little bit about myself so that you can get a little picture of who I am, that helps right? I’m a 25, horror obsessed (classic horror such as the universal classics! not the new kind of horror where it is totally reliant on jump scares and unnecessary gore). I would call myself plus size and bored about it. I go to the gym to work through my fat-ness but at the same time I would like to think that I am comfortable with what I have right now and I work hard at the gym but I could care less what people think of me now. Thin or fat I’m happy.147d1f08deb6d39ec1278230e2bc2643.jpg

I am dating one of the most amazing but very annoying man in the world, he makes me laugh with how annoying he can be and he fascinates me with his kindness, his selflessness, his love for me and his majestic beard. He is the biggest support I have in my life and he has finally shown me what it means to be loved and to love. I think that that is a very important thing to learn. Its taken me a while to find it but it was well worth the wait.

I have a dysfunctional family, doesn’t everyone? However, its quite destructive and it may be something that I touch on in other blogs I write just to sort of reach out I guess to those who may be sat in the side lines similar to how I am and have been for a few years and not knowing what to do even though your helpless and your hands are tied. But, like I said a topic I will touch on another time.

So that’s a little introduction from me and there’s not much else to tell. This first blog I think is just to mark my transition something that someone, if someone reads this that is, that may not inspire but make them laugh or maybe even understand the situations and relate to them. I don’t know we will see. But hey, this is the first step! My first blog and my first realisation that one of my dreams and life goals has finally come true!

I am about to take the first steps into serious adulthood, although I cant imagine that my behaviour will change too much, I still feel 18 at times. But here it is at the ripe old age of 25 I have found that anything really is possible when you put your mind to it. It’s not easy by any stretch of the imagination but its possible. It really is and for the first time I can genuinely say I am proud of myself!

Nice to meet you and thanks for reading.

Till next time.

Naomi x